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Sunday, January 24, 2010

Aren't-aren't I going to be me?

Jenny: Do you ever dream, Forrest, about who you're going to be?
Forrest: Who I'm going to be?
Jenny: Yeah.
Forrest: Aren't-aren't I going to be me?

My sweet husband cannot flip channels and see FORREST GUMP and not watch a snippet. He quotes the movie often. Apparently Big Daddy feels some connection to a huge-hearted man who can't stop thinking about a flaky broken girl named Jenny. I have no idea what that's all about. It's one of those little things that he does that just melts my heart. He's sweet that way.

This weekend I was reminded of why I married Big Daddy. We didn't do anything amazing, but we did ordinary things with a lot of love. The nicest thing about our weekend was that everytime there was a pause Big Daddy would ask what else I'd like to do. Let me tell you about the big romantical events: we went and got my car inspected and we listened to comedy clips on my mp3 player together and laughed hysterically as this kid stared at us wondering what the heck was so funny. We went to Bed Bath and Beyond for a Turbo Snake because someone keeps clogging the bathroom sink with hair. I don't know who she is, but she's driving us crazy with the hair balls. Then Big Daddy went to Barnes and Noble while I checked out the Dollar Days sale at Michaels. We had lunch at El Fenix (Big Daddy had never been there! How do you live in DFW for years and miss El Fenix???) and did a little shopping at a store a couple of doors down. I am being vague about it, but if you live in P-town I'll let you figure it out that part of the field trip. Then we came home and watched Sunshine Cleaning and ordered Chinese. We talked a lot. We laughed often. We hugged and kissed and enjoyed each other. I'm new at this married thing but I've been married long enough to realize that it's easy to get busy with work, school, chores and facebook and forget to really talk and really listen. It's good to slow down and enjoy each other's company.

Today Big Daddy did some work and I started my algebra homework. I discovered that after several years my recall of pre-algebra II is hazy at best. I got a bit overwhelmed when it took me over an hour to do five problems. I had to pause and pray because I was freaking out wondering how in the heck I'm going to eat this elephant sandwich. Once I got my anxiety down, I realized that the challenge is that I'm going to have to practice and learn and I will get better and I will get faster if I just take the time and do it step by step, one problem at a time. One of  the things I struggle most with is my instinct to quit when things don't come easy for me. I also have trouble with asking questions, simple questions, because that mean girl in my brain likes to bully me about looking dumb and embarassing myself. I'm beginning to think that the most important thing I can learn this semmester is that the mean girl in my brain has no idea what she's talking about.

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