Well it appears it's been weeks since I've posted anything. I guess I've just been trying to keep my nose above the water line. I am very self conscious about being whiney so when life gets a little challenging I tend to hunker down, make myself as compact as possible and try not to be a bother. I don't want to be one of those people. I don't want to seem like I don't believe everything is going to be okay.
The only problem with keeping to myself is that when there's too much me I tend to believe my brain. I struggle with hurt feelings and childish reactions and knowing they are childish, I keep them to myself and feed them on the sly. Occasionally I'll tell someone about what I'm thinking/feeling but I absolutely do not let on that this is a big deal and then when they say the normal thing, "Oh she's just like that," or "I'm sure it wasn't personal," I put quotes around their friend title. You know, my dear "friend" so and so. I know that I'm not being rational, but knowing better doesn't flip a switch for me. There's some complicated process where things get worked out and I have no idea how to make it happen except that it starts with prayer and willingness.
It's interesting that this is where I am as we prepare for Easter. I'm trying to hang on to faith but there are dark thoughts and feelings that want to pull me down. The good news is, that I know the good news--there will be a new beginning. There will be an epiphany. I will get a fresh start. I know that because that's what comes after the darkness every single time. No exceptions. But in the meantime...peace, love and patience.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
I am still sketching every day sometimes all day long. I found a free "Back to Basics" class online and am now taking that while I wait for Sketchbook Skool to start. I am also obsessed with Urban Sketchers, and I am anxious for the day I feel confident doing an on the spot sketch of some building or a concert or something busy. I draw in public now, but only small things/single subjects. The other night at dinner (best corn tortillas ever!) I drew a deer head that was on the wall at the restaurant. Big Daddy got a little self conscious or maybe he was jealous that I got attention for my drawing when usually he's the star for being in the "clean plate club."
This might be the most boring post I've ever done. Yawn. But hey, if you have any interest in drawing/sketching, sign up for the freebie class.