The Plan? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Plan!

The photo is of an exercise I did for my "Draw Your Awesome Life" class. It's a contour drawing of my hand and while I've done those in every art class I've ever taken, the exercise has always driven me crazy--until today.

The rules to the assignment are to stare at your hand, not the page, and to draw using a continuous line. Not surprisingly this produces some weird results and that's the part I have had a problem with. Who wants a picture of a blob hand? What is the benefit of an exercise that produces something freakish by design?

Today I had that light bulb moment, when I looked at this picture and thought, I love this! This is my favorite piece so far! In that eureka moment, I knew that the point is to let go of expectations and enjoy the experience.

My friends and I often complain, sometimes playfully, sometimes not, about the way life has of deviating from THE PLAN. For example, Big Daddy has been working a temp job that we thought would go permanent on Friday. Today he got a text asking if he'd like to extend his contract two more weeks. Say what? That was not THE PLAN. (After further investigation, there is no need for concern, it turns out this is good news rather than bad, but it still wasn't THE PLAN.) I recently heard a story about a family who bought a Roomba to combat the pet hair in the house. All went well until the dog pooped on the floor while the family was out and the Roomba rolled right through it over and over and over again. I'll let your imagination take over from here. That wasn't THE PLAN either. Certainly there are unexpected moments that take us off course and steal any illusions we might have of control and I would never propose that one could or would want to skip and whistle through them. What I am suggesting is that there can be beauty and surprises in the detour.

I don't know about you, but I know my life has taken some sharp left turns--the kind where you duck and pray that you won't get mowed over. The kind where your purse flies into the floorboard and pukes out all the contents. In those times I shook my fist at the sky and questioned the meaning of everything but over time when I look back I can see that the sharp left was exactly what needed to happen and I can see the blessings and changes that came as a result. THE PLAN, might have been more comfortable, but it wasn't more beautiful.

In 2006, I got dumped by my boyfriend via email. I got fired from my job. I lost my condo and my car blew up. I had to downsize my life and I needed to do it immediately but instead I cried a lot and prayed for a miracle. The miracle was THE PLAN. It didn't come.

I talked to my spiritual adviser and she kept saying, "One way or another, you will be okay."
I cried and explained to her, "I want one way and not the other."
"THAT'S your problem," she said.

When I finally gave up, I moved into one room of a friends house. I took a job as a maid. I got kicked out of the one room of that house and moved into another house. I got to learn (quite painfully) how to live with some of the most patient and persistently loving people I've ever met (some of whom I consider family now). As a result of that move I met some young ladies who helped me far more than I helped them and they introduced me to social networking sites. That's where I reconnected with my old friend Big Daddy...

I've gotten some pretty amazing gifts from letting go of control and tearing up "THE PLAN." Sometimes it's more fun to just fly by the seat. Sometimes it's alright to not know what you're doing, that's where the adventure begins.

 Peace, love, and adventures!

The Magic Words: Please & Thank You

This morning I watched this TED talk and I knew I had to write about my experience with learning to ask. Back in the mid nineties I was moving from apartment to apartment in the same complex. For some reason I decided this would be an easy move. I didn't rent a truck. I only had a few boxes. I didn't need any help, thank you very much. I profoundly underestimated the magnitude of this task.

When I realized I was in over my head, I did what I do. I talked about it publicly. Several people came up to me and offered to help. I thanked them. One guy in particular (who seemed to know who he was dealing with) pressed his phone number in my hand and said, "I would consider it an HONOR to get to help you move. It is not an imposition. I WANT to help you." I took his number and promised I'd call him. I lied. I went back to my apartment and sat in the middle of the floor and cried as I stuffed things in trash bags to lug across the parking lot. At one point I was carrying a mattress on my back across the parking lot at three in the morning when the wind caught it and I wound up on my back, on the mattress in the parking lot and I was dangerously close to a psychotic break. I called a mentor of mine and admitted that it wasn't that I didn't want help, the problem was that I couldn't make myself ask. Something was stuck inside and it wouldn't allow the words out.

Today, I know what was blocking me: my pride.

My spiritual adviser said, "Don't you realize that it's just as selfish to deny someone they joy of being of service as it is to see an opportunity to help and ignore it?" I'd never really thought of it that way. I'd always thought of needing help as something shameful but in my heart I always envied those people who didn't seem to have to ask, the girls who could say "I'm cold!" and guys couldn't get their letter jackets off fast enough to fix it. So I carried my own boxes, opened my own door, changed my own tires and built my own little fortress where I prayed...

Now before I go any further, please know that I am not advocating whiny helplessness. We all know people who expect life to cut their meat and peel their orange for them. Those people are annoying. You guys are not those annoying people. You guys are my people. Now back to our regularly scheduled blog.

I prayed a lot but I prayed for God to "fix it" and God sent boats and helicopters while I sent them away and watched the flood waters rising. Then one day something happened. One day I revised my plan and I revised my prayer. One day I said, "God, I don't know what to do, but I believe that you know what I need. You know where I am. I need your help. Please." Then the help came disguised as work and I said, "thank you." Sometimes the help comes disguised as something I'd love to do, sometimes it comes as something I'm afraid to do, and sometimes it comes as something I'm not sure I can do but it's help all the same.

I am not alone. I am not designed to do it all myself. I need and want help. This is the plan.

Just today I posted my special deals for Small Business Saturday. I'm sure there are some who are tired of seeing us plug our business on Facebook and I'm really okay if they hide me from their news feed or completely nuke me from their friends list but I'm not going to stop asking for help and I'm not going to stop offering to help. I believe that's what we're supposed to do. Thanks to all of you who let me know I'm not alone. Thanks to all who share my stuff and thanks to those who remind me that it's okay to ask for what you need. Peace, love and "BUY LOCAL!"