Buddha's Hand

Long before Big Daddy and I reconnected I did a lot of praying about the kind of man God would choose for me. One time when I was imagining Mr. Right, I imagined someone who would show up for a date and knowing I am a little quirky, he would present me with a bouquet of asparagus which we would then put into a teapot. It was a funny little thought that has stuck with me for a long time.

Yesterday Big Daddy called to tell me he had a surprise for me as we built up to Valentine's Day. He set my expectations by explaining that he got it at Whole Foods so "just think about the kind of thing I might find there..." When I got home, there was a funny card and this was waiting for me:

It's called a Buddha's Hand and it's this very fragrant citrus...thing. And here's the cool part--I love it. I have been obsessed with drawing and painting lately and while I'm not very good, it brings me a lot of joy. Big Daddy brought me this amazingly weird thing and today I got to take a break from hours of work in the kitchen to draw it. Uh oh. I just realized I spelled Buddha wrong on the drawing. Oh well. That's why I practice. I hope you have someone who gets you. I hope you love yourself enough to know that the weird stuff is what makes you special. Peace, love & crazy surprises.

Aren't-aren't I going to be me?

Jenny: Do you ever dream, Forrest, about who you're going to be?
Forrest: Who I'm going to be?
Jenny: Yeah.
Forrest: Aren't-aren't I going to be me?

My sweet husband cannot flip channels and see FORREST GUMP and not watch a snippet. He quotes the movie often. Apparently Big Daddy feels some connection to a huge-hearted man who can't stop thinking about a flaky broken girl named Jenny. I have no idea what that's all about. It's one of those little things that he does that just melts my heart. He's sweet that way.

This weekend I was reminded of why I married Big Daddy. We didn't do anything amazing, but we did ordinary things with a lot of love. The nicest thing about our weekend was that everytime there was a pause Big Daddy would ask what else I'd like to do. Let me tell you about the big romantical events: we went and got my car inspected and we listened to comedy clips on my mp3 player together and laughed hysterically as this kid stared at us wondering what the heck was so funny. We went to Bed Bath and Beyond for a Turbo Snake because someone keeps clogging the bathroom sink with hair. I don't know who she is, but she's driving us crazy with the hair balls. Then Big Daddy went to Barnes and Noble while I checked out the Dollar Days sale at Michaels. We had lunch at El Fenix (Big Daddy had never been there! How do you live in DFW for years and miss El Fenix???) and did a little shopping at a store a couple of doors down. I am being vague about it, but if you live in P-town I'll let you figure it out that part of the field trip. Then we came home and watched Sunshine Cleaning and ordered Chinese. We talked a lot. We laughed often. We hugged and kissed and enjoyed each other. I'm new at this married thing but I've been married long enough to realize that it's easy to get busy with work, school, chores and facebook and forget to really talk and really listen. It's good to slow down and enjoy each other's company.

Today Big Daddy did some work and I started my algebra homework. I discovered that after several years my recall of pre-algebra II is hazy at best. I got a bit overwhelmed when it took me over an hour to do five problems. I had to pause and pray because I was freaking out wondering how in the heck I'm going to eat this elephant sandwich. Once I got my anxiety down, I realized that the challenge is that I'm going to have to practice and learn and I will get better and I will get faster if I just take the time and do it step by step, one problem at a time. One of  the things I struggle most with is my instinct to quit when things don't come easy for me. I also have trouble with asking questions, simple questions, because that mean girl in my brain likes to bully me about looking dumb and embarassing myself. I'm beginning to think that the most important thing I can learn this semmester is that the mean girl in my brain has no idea what she's talking about.

How to Heart a Husband???

This morning I nuked the leftovers from yesterday's coffee and sat on the couch to google Valentines Day ideas for Big Daddy. This is our first married Valentines Day and I really want to do something special without blowing the bank because there's really no bank to blow. While I'm a pretty creative person, I rarely come up with an original idea. Nine times out of ten I borrow inspiration and tweak it to fit my taste and my style but this morning I found myself getting frustrated with the same old ideas I've seen hundreds of times: chocolate covered strawberries, rose petals on the bed, candle lit dinners and the ever popular do-it-yourself massage. I'm not saying those things don't have merit, I'm just saying that none of that seems like something Big Daddy is going to do backflips over. I just don't know many men who wish their gals were sending them flowers more often. Romance is something women crave. Guys like fun. Right? So what's something Big Daddy would really enjoy doing that wouldn't involve plane tickets or a second mortgage on a house we don't even own?

So here my guidelines for planning a special day for Big Daddy:

1. As simple as it sounds, I want to do something that is all about HIM. At Christmas I noticed that almost all of his gifts were things he needed and would use but there just wasn't a whole lot of fun in those packages. I am probably the worst about deciding what he ought to want (like nicer clothes and better shoes) instead of really considering what he would truly enjoy.

2. I want to plan something we haven't done. When Big Daddy and I were dating we went on lots of fieldtrips we enjoyed. I know he likes going to museums and great restaurants. (No REALLY, he does!) I think it's cheating to revisit those same places for Valentines Day.

3. We need to stay out of the way of the hot spots that will be over-crowded and over-priced because it's a holiday. If I were Oprah Winfrey I'd be buying All Star Game tickets and booking my table at 560. The limo would be a given and Big Daddy would be grinning from ear to ear without any worries about how much I spent but I don't live on that planet.

4. I know it's cliche, but it IS the thought that counts. I don't have a lot of money but I do have time to plan something that will let him know how much I care about him. Sometimes big "I love yous" come in a lot of little packages.

5. Consider the "WOW value." When I was younger and broke, I subscribed to a newsletter called "The Tightwad Gazette." I learned a lot about how to save money on the small things so that I had the money for big things. One of the most important ideas the newsletter taught me was about "wow value," and how that value is different for different people. If carrots taste the same whether I buy them at Whole Foods, Kroger, or Sprouts, why would I buy my carrots at Whole foods when they are on sale at Kroger? If I save twelve dollars shopping at Kroger for most of our food, I don't get in a twist when Big Daddy wants to spend twelve dollars on pate at Market Street. Along those same lines, if the pate from Market Street makes him happy why go to a restaurant and pay twice as much for half as much pate unless the ambiance and service is worth the pricetag? If I save money on one or two ideas that are still thoughtful and fun, I can indulge a little more on a gift that he'll really appreciate. The other thing I learned about frugality is that being careful with how money is spent doesn't make one endlessly cheap, it provides opportunities to be more generous!

6. Get personal. The most important thing I need to do really think about MY man and really think about what would make him feel spoiled rotten. As I've been writing this I've been thinking about ideas he's run up the flagpole that I've never saluted. I need to remember that romance is showing him that I hear him, I know him and I love HIM. I need to take some time to think about the things he loves and incorporate those things into my master plan. Perhaps it's time I explore sushi and anime or consider bowling and baby backs because romance isn't just leather or lace, flowers and candles, or chocolate and wine--it's learning a new language and finding a new way to both show him and tell him that HE is the man I love.

I don't have a master plan yet, but I think I'm on the right track. The first thing I need to do is make sure that my plans don't interfere with any plans he will be making. The good news is that this year Valentines Day falls on a Sunday so if we need to, we can do a his and hers days without a problem. If you have any great ideas to share PLEASE leave a comment!