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Tuesday, November 29, 2011

One Day at a Time

Today I woke up thinking, I've had it. I don't feel strong. I don't feel cute. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I've felt this way before. Lots. Today I got up and did something about it. I did one 15 minute work out. I drank one 8 oz. glass of water. I said one prayer for willingness. It all starts with one.

Dealing with my body, with my weight, with my health is overwhelming . It makes me cry so I push it waaaaaay back to the back of my brain and I try to focus on anything and everything else. I'm ashamed that I've let myself get so out of control and I'm really really really afraid that I will fail again. It's a constant struggle between feeling good about a positive choice and feeling really awful about how big I am and about how far I have to go to get "healthy." I keep reminding myself that I quit smoking this year (which is HUGE) and the very next thought is, and in the process you've eaten your way out of your clothes. And you know what that thought makes me want? A Marlboro and a Frappuccino. So I stop and I pray and I cry a little bit and I decide to do one thing better. Just one. And then I choose again. Just one thing. And then I do the next one thing...

I love to plan. I love coming up with systems and forms and tools for BIG changes. What I'm not so crazy about is following the plan. The twenty day clean plan (while brilliant) lasted about six days. One day at a time isn't just a cute cliche for people like me, it's the only way I can do life. It doesn't mean that I don't make plans or keep a calendar, it just means that the key to success for me is doing today to the best of my ability and letting tomorrow unfold when it comes. It also means that I get to choose my attitude today. I get to choose my outlook today. I get to choose what my focus is and how much energy I devote to productive things and that in and of itself, makes me feel just a little bit stronger than I did when I rolled out of bed this morning.

Peace, love & one day at a time!


  1. We all wake up with bad days. I think the key is in knowing that we are the only ones with the power to change, whether it be an eating habit, or an attitude. I'm F.A.T., I know this. I LOVE food, I HATE exercise, I have a high risk of diabetes, circulatory issues, and heart disease. I make the choice not to stress about it. I try to eat reasonably, not be too lazy, and accept who I am and the body I have. I am making small steps in losing weight, but I know that trying to follow a strict diet serves no purpose except to stress me out and make me feel deprived of treats that I enjoy. I don't suffer from any of the things I'm at risk for, my cholesterol is normal, and I don't huff & puff when I walk. That's good enough for me.
    Quitting smoking is a HUGE stresser in life, and there's really no reason to beat yourself up over not beating ALL your issues at once... one at a time is plenty.

  2. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. I am not and have never been someone who lets my pant size or my scale number dictate my worth and I really don't plan on starting that now. I've just reached a point that ignoring my over indulgence is no longer acceptable to me. I want my flexibility back. I want a degree of comfort in my own skin that hasn't been around for a bit. Those are realistic goals to start with. :)