Wrestling with the Learning Curve

I'm not sure what would possess a woman on a rather restrictive diet to decide that now is the perfect time to branch out and conquer decorated cookies (insanity perhaps?) but the reason I haven't posted in a couple of days is that I am knee-deep in a new obsession. For two weeks I have read cookie decorator blogs. On Monday I ordered my first shipment of cookie cutters. On Tuesday I cleared off my official cookie shelf and organized my colors, extracts, cookie cutters, sheet trays, sprinkles, etc. On Wednesday I bought the ingredients for cookies and mixed up a batch so that they could cool overnight. I also practiced my piping for about an hour. My icing was too runny so the results weren't great. I blamed the icing. I then read about icing consistency for the next two hours. Today the mailman brought the cookie cutters so I rolled and cut and baked cookies. I thickened up the royal icing and finally, finally, finally I started decorating and guess what? (Chicken butt.) I'm not good yet. Sigh.

This is a problem I've had since childhood. I think it started with my bicycle. See I wanted a bike. I was pretty sick of being monitored all the time. I heard the call of the open road and all I needed was bike and I'd be free! I could taste it. I knew exactly how I'd look with my hair whipping in the wind mimicking the streamers on my handlebars. So I begged and I whined and I whined and I begged and finally, finally, finally, I got a sparkly green bike with a groovy banana seat, a white basket with flowers on the front and streamers on the handlebars. Now just let me at it and get out of my way! Well much to my surprise, the bike was defective because when I got on it, it really didn't go much of anywhere. Like it sort of sucked really and that's when I heard the fateful words, "I'll teach you to ride."

Now my dad is a great guy but he's also the guy who can absolutely destroy me with a sigh. Like level me. This is not a power he asked for nor is it one he's enjoyed much, but the fact remains that if I had to choose anyone to teach me anything my dad would come in near the bottom of my list. See he wants to talk and explain and talk some more. I want to already know so I'm not super attentive to the lecture portion of our lessons and guess what? I'm awful. Because we lived in a small town with sketchy pavement, my dad would drive me to the bank and we would practice riding there. He'd lecture, I'd fidget, I'd get on the bike, he'd help and then let go. It seemed like it took months just to learn to ride straight and then Coach Control Freak thought I needed to learn to turn. So I'd ride around the parking lot and as I was turning near the corner of the bank, my dad would start hollering ("Turn, turn, turn!!!") I would panic because my dad was yelling at me and try to look behind me and I'd crash into the bank. This didn't just happen once or twice, this happened a lot. This happened so much that I'm still talking about it four decades later. So one day we were riding home and I was examining the newest strawberry on my elbow and I thought to myself, "That's it, I'm done. Sell the bike."

Fast forward to today and once again I'm frustrated because of my unrealistic expectations and automatically I start to feel like a loser and I want to quit. But here's what's different: today I can slow my roll. The blogs and websites I have been oohing and ahhhing over are people who have done this for years and years and no matter how much I read about how to do this well, the bottom line is that I'm going to have to practice to get good. There's no way to cut practice out of the equation. I don't have to learn it all in one day. I have to remind myself that I'm not supposed to be good yet, I'm just supposed to be learning. Persistent progress. That's all it takes right? Sigh. I don't know that I'll ever get past those pie in the sky visions I get, because honestly, I don't know that I want to. As frustrated and disappointed as I get when nothing quite lives up to the hype I create, the hype-phase is pretty worth it to me and if I'm willing to do the work, I sometimes end up at the place I started out dreaming I'd be. Peace, love and sugar cookies!

On the Wings of a Dove

Sometimes when I struggle, I play "Let's Make a Deal" with God. I explain that I don't need a solution today, but what would help me a lot would be a dove with an olive branch. See I'm a big Noah fan (even though I don't take the story literally because well, that makes no sense). I had a spiritual awakening with the verse, "Noah walked with God." Seriously, it's so elegant, so simple and so obtainable! But back to the dove--when I'm having a hard time with right here right now, I ask God for a dove with an olive branch because that's what God sends to deliver hope that the rain will end.

Today I saw a dove. Today I got one little phone call, and it really doesn't deliver me from right here and right now, but it's just enough to give me the encouragement I need to keep going. Today I believe that we will round this corner.

I feel a little guilty that I get down from time to time. Honestly, my day to day life is better than I thought it could be. I am happy with my home and most days I am deeply in love with my husband. I haven't lost sight of my gratitude I just wish, sometimes I wish that it was just a little bit easier--and today I got a reminder that sometime it will be.

Happy Monday, ya'll!

Four Miles

This morning Big Daddy and I rode four miles. I've never done that before. I've ridden four miles in a day but I haven't done it all in one swoop and honestly, I wouldn't have done it today if he hadn't kept going. I like riding my bike. I especially like riding my bike to a destination. I like riding to Lowes, or Walmart or Acadamy. I like chaining it up and doing a little shopping. I like stopping to catch my breath. I like having a little sip of water every now and then and that is how I would always ride my bike if it was just me. On my own, I am a recreational rider.

Big Daddy has a completely different approach to the bicycle. In his mind we ride for exercise and the only way that the bike works as exercise is if we continue to increase our distance and our speed. He's  setting goals while I'm planning picnics. It's one of the reasons our relationship works.

Yesterday I called him and I was all gloomy. "I want to eat food and I have no money!" (Now when I say that I have no money, I mean I have no extra money--our needs are provided for, please don't worry.) Big Daddy did very well with talking me down from the ledge. He reminded me that God always provides for us and that we both are at our best when we're faced with a challenge. He said he understood how I felt and he knows it is hard, but he's proud of me. He said all the right things including, "...and when I get home, we'll figure out what we need to do to get Yes, Chef! going again."

Now, when I say that he said the right thing, that doesn't mean that I was thankful for the help. Oh no. What that little statement did was kick my ego into gear and in that moment it clarified for me what I need to do next. As soon as he started tossing out ideas I realized the missing piece and could see clearly what I need in order to promote my business. Right now it seems I've used up my birds nests on the ground. Now it's time for hustle. Now it's time to work a little harder. This is the time when I have to set and focus on some goals and I'm going to need a little pushing. I'm pretty lucky I have a guy who knows just how to do it, even when he doesn't know that he's doing it.

Have a happy Fun-day!

Compose Yourself!

I've been feeling very creative lately. Yesterday I went to play bingo and while I didn't win. I did walk out with a handful of colorful cards. I don't know why but it just kills me to throw them away and since Big Daddy wasn't there to give me the "are you hoarding bingo cards now?" look, I brought my losers home. (I did linger over someone else's cards that they left on the table but I decided that would be overkill.)

While Papa Grande napped in his recliner, I sequestered myself in the craft room and made bingo composition notebooks. I have a love affair with composition notebooks that spans back twenty years. When I first got sober I had way too much time on my hands and way too many thoughts in my head so I wrote, and wrote, and wrote. I wrote creative stuff and journal stuff and I also played this free writing game with friends that was a lot more fun than it sounds. There was a little place called Boxies at Preston and Beltline and I used to go there and order a banana nut muffin and a vanilla latte. I sat at the table outside and I wrote until I couldn't see the page anymore. I filled dozens of composition notebooks and while I thought I was writing in preparation for the great American novel, I now believe I was learning to enjoy my own company. I found composition notebooks for .50 during back to school so I bought half a dozen.

I've been doing a lot of web searching about doodling, visual journals, art notebooks and creative lettering. I am drawn to these forms and have been for a long time but lately the art books seem muddled to me. I enjoy the layering process a lot, but the product sometimes seems bogged down. I love the idea of doodling, but have found that doodles tend to be floral, and while I like that a lot, I've been noodling about using a less girly motif. I'm searching for something, a light switch of sorts, and it's very exciting.

Chalk it Up to Pinterest

I wish I could take credit for this idea. I really do. It seems like an idea I'd come up with and I'm a little astounded that I didn't. Anyway here's the scoop. Back when we started Yes, Chef! Catering, we went to a restaurant supply auction and we bought a couple of odd lots of stuff. One of the lots we won was a mixed lot of crock pots, a "flotilla" as Big Daddy would say. I think there was maybe one good crock pot and several more homely ones, and from time to time we have used them all but we definitely use the best looking ones the most. So I'm perusing Pinterest yesterday and what did I see but the most brilliant idea ever! Spray paint the crock pots! Spray paint the crock pots (drum roll please) with  chalkboard paint!!! Oh yes boys and girls, this had to happen.

When choosing a craft I usually have three factors to consider:

1. Does it cost less than $10 to begin? (Now many of my crafts spiral way beyond the $10 mark, but in order to get sucked in, I prefer that the craft seems affordable at the onset.)

2. Can it be done start to finish in less than one hour? (I have done things that take longer but I usually screw them up because I can't wait to let paint dry.)

3. Will Big Daddy think I'm crazy when he sees what I've done? (I don't know why this is such a motivator for me, but it is.)

So here's a picture of two of the three pots I painted. I'm rather fond of the harvest gold one. It's especially groovy.

I just taped up the parts I didn't want to get paint on. Took off the nobs and sprayed away. Then I let them dry and POOF! Chalkboard crock pots. The reason I think this is so cool is that you can label them with the food that's inside or with your name (or any other cute message you like). I am just tickled. I think they are super fun and I think they'll be great for catering. You'd be surprised how many times people ask you what something is. I guess folks are afraid I disguise lima beans to look like queso.

Have a wild and crazy Thursday!

Getting to Know You

Last weekend I picked up a new box of "Chat Pack" cards at Barnes and Noble. I love these things. I bought our first box in Canton several years ago and we talked all the way home answering questions and laughing. I bought another box for a road trip to Kansas. After we've gone through the box, I add them to a gift basket for someone else so they can enjoy learning about each other. There are some questions that we immediately know the other's answer to (Favorite fried food: potatoes for him, foot long corn dogs for her) and others that are a complete surprise (Favorite Olympic sport to watch: he picked soccer, I picked swimming. Neither of us had a clue). What's really cool about these is that answering simple questions with each other has given me a whole new insight on Big Daddy's character. Whether you're looking for a fun way to get to know your family or an ice breaker with new friends, I highly recommend Chat Pack. It would be easy to make your own with a pack of index cards and some questions from the internet. And just for giggles, here are a few questions just to get you started:

Favorite TV theme song of all time?

Favorite doll or action-figure from your childhood?

Favorite silly song?

Favorite Christmas movie?

Favorite comfort food? (my answer on that question is subject to change moment to moment, especially since I'm eating low carb right now.)

Happy HUMP DAY ya'll!

Rest in Peace...

A high school acquaintance of mine died on Sunday. We weren't friends (which isn't to say I didn't like her, I just didn't spend much time with her) but we have mutual friends so I've been following her story for a long time. I knew about her joys and her struggles and so when I read about her death, I caught my breath. She'd been fighting brain cancer for decades, and winning, so it was easy to think that she just might outlast all of us...

I have been thinking about the phrase "rest in peace." I don' t know if I agree with it. I'm not saying I don't get it, but I don't know that it's my wish. Why the heck would you wind up in heaven and then nap? Maybe that speaks more to my precarious relationship with sleep and my need for a squishier mattress. I'm just saying if I get to heaven I'm going to want run around the place and do stuff. 

I've also been thinking about the idea that there's no heaven. Wouldn't that be a shame! I mean honestly every time someone says YOLO I think "I certainly hope not." I hope I get do overs. I hope I get to fall in love with Big Daddy over and over again. I hope I get to spend time with the baby I lost and watch him or her become. I hope I get some time with my dad when he is whole again. Where he can see and he can get around and his mind doesn't play crazy tricks on him. I want to hang out with Irene again. I want to hug Matt. I want to catch up with Larry. I would love to cut up with T. Hull. I hope I am reunited with relatives and friends and that I get to introduce people that I think would love each other and I hope one day I get the chance to ask Stacey to teach me dance.  Rest in peace, Stacey, or dance, and honestly, I hope you dance.