Feeling Super

Last night was rough. I had rushed to get somewhere and then when I got there I discovered that I didn't need to be there at all. Then, I wanted to go spend some money I can't afford to spend on playtime and I don't like telling myself no. I wanted to eat things I'm not supposed to eat. The TV was getting on my nerves because they kept showing commercials for things that cranked up the temptation to 11 and all I could tell myself was "this too shall pass." I turned off the TV, grabbed my Kindle and went to bed early. This morning I got up and did my thing with no thought of the struggles from last night. It really did pass just like I told myself it would.

This got me to thinking about "getting over the hump." So many times I suspect I've snatched defeat from the jaws of victory because I wasn't willing to be uncomfortable for just five more minutes.

About seven years ago, I was walking through some stuff. I was cleaning houses for a living and I was not happy about where I was living or who I was living with. I'd lost a lot of the stuff and the status that made me feel like a big deal and I was none too happy about any of it and to add to the fun, I was trying to lose weight and work out. I had a membership to the rec center at the time and three or four times a week I'd go walk on the treadmill or ride the bikes and I'd do this little workout routine. I discovered that if I didn't workout right after I finished cleaning my houses for the day I wouldn't do it, so I would go straight from work to the gym.

Well this one day, I was headed to the gym and I looked down and I had on a pretty low-cut t-shirt and some underthings that weren't exactly designed for working out but I knew if I went home I wouldn't go back so I decided that it wasn't that big a deal. I did my little cardio, and then I did some arm thingies, and some crunch thingies, and some more arm thingies and I was just about done when I got on this piece of equipment called the Roman chair and you hook your feet in and your tummy is on this seat thing, and you put your hands up by your ears and you lift yourself up and lower yourself down using your abs. So I'm lowering myself down and then lifting up and arching my back. Then I notice there's this old man watching me and I really needed him to get back in his own sandbox if you know what I mean. I am not cute when I work out. I am sweaty and I'm fussy and I sure don't need any attention from Papaw while I'm trying to get done. Six, Seven, Eight...the whole time this man was staring at me and the whole time I was trying to give him a sufficient stink eye so he would stop, and then it happened, the thing he'd been waiting for, and I didn't have to see it to know it happened because the look on his face let me know all about it: I'd had a wardrobe malfunction. I lowered myself down and quickly returned the wayward body part back into her holster and then I had a decision to make. Would I quit or keep going? This small firm voice inside said, "Finish the set."  So I did and then I did another one.

I walked to my car and I felt like I'd just won a gold medal. What had begun as a silly situation turned into something bigger, something important--something spiritual. All afternoon I thought about how important it was to just "finish the set." Most of my life I'd spent so much time and energy focusing on the five seconds of self consciousness  and convincing myself that I had to quit, that I'd missed out on the joy just doing a little more than I thought I could and that was the victory this morning. I waited it out. I finished the set.

I hope whatever challenges you meet today pass quickly and that you don't give up before the miracle happens because they happen every day friends. Love & light to you all.

Cleaning the Craft Room

I started a project yesterday that I thought would take a couple of hours. I'm now on day two of what will be at least a three day project, a disaster I am calling "Craftnado." As I told my Facebook friends, "I waaaaaay over estimated my enthusiasm for this project."

Oh my gosh. I don't know if everyone has that room (or three) where they toss stuff when people are coming over, but I had two (and some closets and the garage) and then I had overnight guests so the guest bedroom had to get shoveled out. That left the craft room and man oh man oh man, is it a wreck of epic proportions. It's awful. There's glitter, scraps of paper, beads, ribbon, buttons, empty boxes, tangled yarn, dozens of bottles of paint (just imagine at least three things from every aisle in Michaels to complete this list) and it's everywhere. I have baskets and boxes for this stuff, but half the stuff is in the container and the other half is jumbled up with some other stuff. There are tote bags with project remnants and Levis with a tear in some important place. This is a hoarders starter kit right here. So I start dragging things out into the hall so that I can rearrange stuff to make the room more user friendly and I slowly start putting things into cubbies and plastic shoe boxes when I find my electric pencil sharpener and I spend the next half hour sharpening colored pencils!!!

This is exactly what would happen to me lo those many years ago when my mom would send me in to clean my room. I'd close the door and I'd get started and three hours later she'd find me sitting in the floor organizing my crayons with Roy G. Biv with no discernible progress made. My problem then is my problem now: it's very hard to clean up toys and not play with them.

I look at the pictures of craft rooms on Pinterest and I see these massive spaces with a billion dollars in Container Store shelving and three hundred plastic coffee containers spray painted robin's egg blue with chalk board labels on them and I think to myself well if I had that kind of room...I'd have a much bigger mess to clean. So I'm happy with what I have. When I was a little kid we had a family friend who had a closet filled with real cigar boxes and each one was labeled pom poms, feathers, jingle bells, felt, ribbon & watercolors. There was only one rule for her craft closet: no kids allowed. It was like standing at the window of the chocolate factory staring at all those boxes and not being allowed to use any of it.

Today one of my great joys is sharing the craft room with my nieces. I love that I'm the kind of aunt who gets to say, "Use it up, I'll get more!" So I guess that thought is just the nudge I need to get up and go spend another hour in there. Happy Hump Day people--and whatever you do, do it with enthusiasm!

The Facebook Effect

I'm so glad I have this photo of my sweet Big Daddy, so I can talk about something I've been wanting to share about for awhile. This picture was taken at Lockhart Smokehouse in the Bishop Arts District and Big Daddy is just digging into his first bite of delicious BBQ. I captured this precious picture of his giddy face only there's only one thing you can't see in the picture--it's completely fake. He was trying to eat, I was trying to take cute pictures. I said, "Look up," and he looked up with half a snarl on so I said, "SMILE!" and he put on the phoniest, cheesiest, most sarcastic smile he could muster and boom! I've made a FB memory. (Now to be fair, Mr. Wonderful did have a great time at the BBQ joint and we did enjoy the food, but in that exact moment while his wife was delaying the kick-off to his carnivorous feed, there were not genuine smiles to be had.)

My Facebook friends know all about my life. They see more pictures than they probably want to. They know where I go and what I do. I record it all--except the yucky parts.

I cannot tell you how many times people come up to me to talk about how lucky I am at bingo. According to Facebook, I win every time I walk in the place, because I only post about bingo when I win. We don't share many of the less photographic moments in our lives on social media because there are some things that are private, and because there are some things we don't care to record for posterity. That doesn't mean they don't happen.

Most of us have had that friend who rants about her boyfriend/husband online and most of us have hidden her from our newfeeds. It's immature and awkward to air dirty laundry online but just because people aren't shouting it from their status doesn't mean that there aren't challenges, struggles, and just general messiness in day to day life and the only time that becomes a problem is when I start believing the Facebook world is the real world. That's when social media becomes toxic for me. In recovery we call this "judging my insides by your outsides." When I start to believe Facebook is the real world, everyone is skinny and dressed cute at all times. Everyone except Big Daddy and I went to the beach this summer. No one has ever been alone in Facebookland, nor have they fought with anyone including themselves, things don't spill, things don't break, there's always enough money, and nothing bad happens to anyone except me. There are exceptions to this but these situations are handled with such grace and faith that these friends seem superhuman. This is when I need to turn the computer off and spend some face to face time with a real live friend. This is when I need to get my head out of my laptop and get my feet back on the ground.

Here's the thing: Facebook is a great place to keep up with people that you can't see every day. It's a great place to post those cute back to school pictures or to share a funny story. Facebook is a wonderful tool to bring people together or to get feedback--but while a picture may be worth a thousand words, there are thousands of other words that are just outside the frame.

Easy Like Sunday Morning

It's been a great morning so far. I jumped out of bed and onto the scale and it sent me a message of great joy. Then we got out early for our bike ride. Posie and I are really having a great time together except that I am saddle sore. I'm contemplating getting a seat that's squishier but I'm having trouble convincing myself to part with the money. Then I made breakfast, sent Big Daddy off into the world and wrote in my journal. Along with eating right and exercising, I've also been writing and drawing every day and it is amazing what a difference that makes in my overall sense of well being.

I have loved writing and drawing since I could. There's just something magic about the possibility of it all, and it was the first (and probably healthiest) way that I found  to make the world go away. An hour spent with my journal or a my paints and pens is like a vacation, a retreat, an oasis.

So I am refreshed and renewed and I really need to get cooking (quite literally), but maybe I can just enjoy the peace for a few more minutes...

I Do! I Like Them Sam I Am!

What is that? That is my breakfast: Green Eggs and Chili with four bites of Sauerkraut. Have you lost your mind? Nope, but I have lost 5.8 lbs. in four days. Another eating plan? Yup, another eating plan and I've ridden Posie (my crazy sparkly bike) for eleven days in a row. Boom.

So break down your breakfast will ya? Of course. The eggs are 2 egg whites, and 1 whole egg scrambled and cooked well with about a 1/2  cup of spinach that I chopped with herb scissors (so I don't get a big slimy bite). Then I take my delicious 3 bean chili (lentils, black beans & pintos with a serving of carrots hidden in there) and drain off some of the juice and throw those in with the eggs, just to warm. Mix it up. Boom. Ummmm, didn't you forget something? I'd like to. The sauerkraut acts as some kind of magical probiotic putting good bacteria into one's belly. It doesn't take a lot and I hold my nose and down it goes. (Big Daddy is substituting Kimchee for the kraut.)

So what makes this different than the other plans? I think of it as a modified Paleo with a binge day. The modification is the addition of legumes which are the silver bullet with this plan. I eat beans at every meal. They're cheap and filling and easy to cook. I will throw in that this is the most affordable plan I've ever been on.

So what are the rules?

Rule #1: Avoid “white” carbohydrates. Don’t eat bread, pasta, rice (brown or white), grains, potatoes, breaded fried food or dairy on your slow-carb days.

Rule #2: Eat the same few meals over and over again. Meals should include protein, legumes, and non-starchy vegetables; eat as much as you like, 3-4x/day.

Rule #3: Don’t drink calories. Avoid milk (including soy), sweetened soda (no more than 16oz of diet), and fruit juice. One or two glasses of red wine are permitted. (I do put a little cream and sugar-free syrup in my coffee, I'm just not a black coffee drinker yet!)

Rule #4: Don’t eat fruit. Tomatoes and avocados are okay (the latter in moderation).

Rule #5: Take one day off per week. Go nuts and eat lots of calories to keep your metabolic rate (thyroid function, conversion of T4 to T3, leptin) up. Do at least five days of rules 1-4 before following rule 5.

Look, I know the key to all of this is staying the course and that's always always always the challenge. I am just saying, that I am encouraged because a) I've been willing to do some physical activity every day, b) I know how to jump start my metabolism now c) I am getting results quick!

If you'd like more information you ought to pick up a copy of The 4-Hour Body by Timothy Ferriss. It's interesting reading and just maybe...

Go to Your Room & Make Stuff

I've been on a creative binge lately. The photo is a painted composition book cover I made from a drop cloth and craft paints. I'm not really crazy about that one, so I may paint over it and start over. That's one of the things I love about making stuff, you can call do-overs and begin again when you're not crazy about the results.

This is actually a perfect time to get lost in the craft room. It feeds the soul and doesn't drain the bank account like some of my obsessions can. I was just asking myself why I craft and there are lots of answers to that question at any given time. Here are some of them:

1. I caught it from my dad, who caught it from his mom, who caught it from...well I don't know who she caught it from, probably lots of her relatives as people made things both for entertainment and for use back in the day. I've been making stuff, painting stuff, drawing stuff, weaving stuff, molding stuff, stringing stuff and sewing stuff for as long as I can remember.

2. I'm a thrifty girl. I like to make stuff to give as gifts although I can rarely wait until a holiday to give it. I love making things for others, especially when I know who I'm going to give it to. Then I get to think about that person and what they mean to me while I'm making the gift.

3. It's problem solving at it's finest. I rarely create my own projects. I borrow ideas and put my own twist on it. I always think it's going to be simpler/easier than it is, and there's a great sense of accomplishment when the plan comes together. (Nailed it!)

4. I'm always learning new things. I've been Pintresting since before there was a Pintrest and all it takes is a spark and suddenly I need to make soap (saponification, not just melt and pour for me!) or knit scarves, or decoupage a bike...

5. Nothing kills a bad mood or an empty afternoon like a visit to the craft room. Time flies. Problems are left outside the door. For just a little while it's just me and my scissors, paper and glue, and I am in my happy place making stuff. (Side note: My craft room looks nothing like those pictures. My craft room is a long white table, an old dresser and a bunch of crap all over the floor. We clean it and I immediately destroy it. It's a complete disaster. That's why there's a "Keep Out" sign taped to the door.)

6. Crafting is my therapy. I struggle a bit with depression and both exercise and creating do wonders to help me get through those low times without going into the deep.

7. Because it's fun! You should try it! Really!

Why Should I Feel Discouraged...

Today, I'm trying to focus on the line, "His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me." 

Yesterday I got a text from someone I'd been working for off and on, and she let me know that she'd pay me for her last order but they'd be using a restaurant in the future. Honestly I have not felt good about our partnership for awhile now. There's been a lot of disorganization and I've felt like I had to beg to get paid. Intellectually I know this is for the best...only I don't know what's next.

What experience tells me is that there is something coming and it will be better. What fear tells me is that--oh screw fear, I'm not going to bother repeating the lies. I am a precious child of God and I am being provided for especially when things change. I am being given what I need right this very second. All I have to do is adjust my wants to align with God's desires for me. (Funny, I went to a meeting on Monday night that was on this subject. Coincidence?)

I got through the first day of slow carb eating without incident although I did peek into my carb cabinet and found there's a half bag of pita chips in there that I need moved out of reach. I didn't eat them (saved myself $10 there) but the afternoons are rough with wanting to snack. I am going to need to work on activities to fill the dangerous hours. I have known for a long time that boredom is a bigger enemy than hunger. 

That's all the news that's fit to print. And just in case there's anyone else who needs reminding:

"Let not your heart be troubled,"
His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness,
I lose my doubts and fear;
Though by the path He leads me
But one step I may see:
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.